sad

To day Feb. 16th is one month till the 2nd anniversary of the death of my oldest daughter Ashley Lowey, I can't begin to describe the pain the guilt and all the other emotions that go along with this.It is always there, every minute of every day, some days I can go with out too much pain sometimes for days however when I do there is a price to be paid,in days that follow not breaking down will be more intense more painful and simply some times unbearable.Things have a tendency of sneaking up on me I start to become more irritable some what depressed and then eventually I realize that I have been suppressing my feelings again which I can't always help because you can't make it if you never feel alright ever again. I have come to except that I will have few days ever again that I am completely happy, and this week has not been one of them , with the fast approaching date of Feb. 16th I can barley hang on, I think I will go to Ashley's grave marker for the first time since we put it there and make sure it is still so beautiful. I pray that God one day lets me hold my daughter again and I pray we can all be together and once again enjoy life.